behind the lens

my mind has been keeping me awake at night. i've been salivating for weeks (hence my lack of posting) over photography...blogs, websites, galleries, forums. soaking in every ounce of wisdom, each flicker of the shutter, and every image behind the lens. um, maybe better to say stalking. i have my favorites, let's be honest, k? boarder line obsession, and i think if i wasn't able to get all my excitement and fascination out, my supportive yet annoyed husband might ban me to the basement permanently. it's been what feels like forever and a day since i first set my hands on a hand-me-down, circa 1970's Nikkormat FT2 Nikon SLR. ancient, and it weighs a ton--but it feels good, like the perfect pair of skinny jeans that hug every curve of your hips, if only mine didn't have what i perceive to be a muffin top trying to sneak out over the edge. my drooling over photographs led me to dig the old thing out. buried amongst memories of what is truly a lifetime ago, by the look on my face you would have thought i was just given a million dollars. honestly, i was just amazed that i found it as quickly as i did--packed safely away where i had left it 5 years ago. more importantly, i could remember how to actually use it. old faithful.

i forgot how much i liked to live behind the lens. i love how the world looks through a peephole. the moment before a moment. it's raw and pure. the ability to focus in on something, and block out the rest. i had the blessing of a beautiful day to reconnect with an old friend and rediscover myself. leaving the house, that trusty SLR by my side, i was nervous and giddy and mostly uncertain that anything would turn out, and not happy at the idea of sweating. it was 90+ out today. if you know me, you know i don't like to sweat--my hair frizzes, what little makeup i wear runs, it's not pretty. sitting in front of starbucks sipping a venti iced tea, i loaded a roll of film, scoped out my next stop, and the rest is history captured in a click.  

i'm not sure yet where i want this journey to take me. what i envision in my head is limited by my belief in myself. the direction my life is taking me right now isn't quite where i believe i can end up. all the worries and speculation in the world won't be solved by dissecting my short comings, hopes, or desires. i want to scream from pure joy and excitement, and crawl up in a ball and cry all at the same time, mainly because my impatience and insecurity gets the best of me. all i do know is i have the most amazing, supportive, and loving man by my side. he completely understands my compulsiveness and requires no explanation. for now, i'll shoot for me, for what i like--hone my skill, and then share it. my random favs from the day...enjoy :)