happy december :)

whew! i can't believe we are into december! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! it's been a whirlwind of a few weeks (yes, my last post was in october. i'm sorry). my classes are winding down, sessions are slowing, and we got our first snow today! on the photography front, i'm ecstatic about all the wonderful opportunities that are coming up! a wonderful photo friend of mine, John Yao of Noah Joy Photography, has been an awesome mentor--if you are getting married, need a photographer, and haven't scheduled yet...CALL HIM. he's fabulous and you won't regret it. santa came early with a new lens that i have been dying over (love prime lenses) and some lovely little lessons with a flash gave me the above image that i'm thrilled about. i had a fantastic engagement session a few weeks ago and sneak peeks will be coming, with many others to follow. so much else is going on, but i'm short on time today, so for now just enjoy the updated blog look and stay posted for more to come :)

a diamond in the rough

years before a diamond is shiny, sparkling, and brilliant, it starts off rough and ugly. it's nothing more than a piece of rock that wouldn't be given a second look. {i guarantee, no desperate housewife would ever beg her husband for a 10 carat ugly rock.} but in it's own time, in the right circumstances, it's true beauty is exposed and desired.

there are moments in time when we feel on top of our game, like we're sparkling and shiny. today was not one of those days. today i felt covered in mud, up to my eyeballs. today i felt like i was the new kid on the first day of school with the coke bottle glasses and mary janes. today was one of those stark realizations of knowing i was not where i wanted to be, and i didn't know how to get there. today, i was a rock. an ugly, throw me to the curb, rock. 

one of a photographers worst characteristics is self doubt and criticism. it's like a death sentence. once you get that first little twinge of uncertainty, it's all down hill from there. if you know me, you know i'm a perfectionist. i hold myself to ridiculously high, unrealistic standards. i never do anything small. it's all or nothing, otherwise it's not worth doing. and heaven forbid i start to second guess--i walk away, i give up, and sit myself on the bench until i can regroup or decide to pack up my things and go home. right now, i'm calling a time out. before i sink--like a rock.

years before a diamond is shiny, sparkling, and brilliant, it starts off rough and ugly. today, i was a rock. today, i was rough and ugly. time and patience, and maybe i'll find a diamond one day.

soup could do my body good

weeks of running myself ragged have finally caught up with me. i'm burnout, worn out, and have managed to earn a nice little head cold to go with all that :) i'm playing a little catch up with life today, and decided that the cold weather was a good reason to cook up something for my patient husband who currently believes i am only a figment of his imagination. this is epic, because really, i like to cook but i'm not that great at it. after all, this is the girl who tried to cook her first thanksgiving dinner last year and realized the night before the big day that the 6lb "turkey" she though she bought was actually just bone in turkey breasts. after he got over his devastation that we would not be having any dark meat, my husband laughed hysterically knowing that is just typical me. (for those of you wondering what REALLY is wrong with that whole picture....turkey's don't come in 6lb sizes. joke was on me!). at the request of a friend, i'm posting my favorite chicken tortilla soup recipe that is one of my go-to fall/winter dishes. it's currently warming up in my lovely, can't screw anything up crockpot. i serve it up with a few tortilla chips, shredded cheese, lime slices, and cilantro--enjoy!

ingredients

3-4 frozen chicken breasts

1 diced onion

1 can diced tomatoes

1 can kidney beans

1 can black beans

1 can whole corn

1 small can green chilis

1 beer {i use corona. there is something wrong with the idea of using an american beer in a mexican dish :)}

1 packet of taco mix, OR a random arrangement of spices (chili powder, cumin, etc)

throw it all in a crockpot for 6 hours on low. after 6 hours, remove chicken, shred with a fork, and return to crockpot for an additional 2 hours on low. note: i've also used chicken broth instead of beer and that works well too. it's a great recipe to mess around with and make it your own!

autumn love

i had the day off today (sort of), which doesn't happen much anymore. between studying, working, shooting, and editing, life it a little bit crazy. in fact, the first 2 things in that list have pretty much taken priority over everything lately. so after hours of studying, cleaning, grocery shopping, and all the mundane activities that keep my world rolling, i grabbed my camera (and Axle!) and headed out for a quick break from all the nonsense.

while i hate to see summer go, i love this time of year. everything smells like pumpkin and spice, hot apple cider, and warm vanilla. and then there are the chilly nights spent huddled around our crackling fire pit. all the burning bushes are changing to that deep shade of red, and right now the trees in our front yard are a buttery golden color. today was unseasonable warm, but was a gentle reminder that summer isn't too far gone just yet. i've got a bunch of shoots coming up in the next few weeks so here's to hoping that the beautiful weather sticks!

IT'S OFFICIAL!

it's up and ready to roll! I could not be more excited about my new site! Huge thank you to all my family and friends for their love and support! more galleries to come :)

out with the old | in with the new

i love fall. it's crisp, cool, and full of enough warmth to remind me summer isn't gone yet. last night my husband and i caught up on our dvr as a huge harvest moon was shining through our open windows. this week has been awful, but today has brought some newness that has made it all worth it. i'm saving all the goodies for my next big post, but in the meantime i had to share a straight out of the camera (SOOC) shot taken with my new lens :) i am in love. still playing with focus/function a bit, but couldn't wait to bust this baby out! have a shoot this weekend with an amazing friend and her family....can't wait! stay posted, more pics soon to come!

coming unglued

he's got this cool, calm, collected, This-is-what-we're-gonna-do way about him. he's reasonable, and forward thinking. he sees the big picture. except today, when i presented him with a proposal about where i want to take my business and the fact that i wanted to invest in a new lens (or 3). that's when the cool, calm, collected man i call my loving, wonderful husband came a little...unglued.

please do not misinterpret: he supports everything i set my mind to, with an undying love and affection that i may not always deserve. however, as i have been famed to do, he was caught off guard. somewhere between a mid-day stop at home for lunch, my sugary sweet voice, and his next bite of an egg sandwich, i struck a cord with the reasonable man that i love--the one that pulls me back from the edge right before my compulsive, ask-forgiveness-later self blazes a trail with my mastercard in tow, all the way to the local photography shop to buy them out. THAT man is the one that came unglued.   

when i really want to do something, when i REALLY put my mind to it, i'm pretty much unstoppable. i will pick away at every detail and labor over a project until it is perfect--or at least satisfactory. but this time, i didn't push. i could see his frustration. i'm going back to school, we're saving for a house, and planning for my loans, and there's that vacation that we have been putting off since we got married...3 1/2 years ago. and then there's my new camera that we just bought, and i swore i wouldn't ask for anything for a while...and then i realized that the lens that came with my camera was crap. but, i didn't push. he gives and gives and gives. 

he left to get back to his daily responsibilities...and i sulked. let's be honest, i like to get my way. but i dropped it, and expected to not talk about it for a long time. i called and rented what i needed for my upcoming shoot. i would just make it work. i went to the grocery, did some laundry, bought books for the start of classes, and watched a little bravo (love!)...hours later, the garage door opens. the silence is audible. i ask how his day was, and he strolls over to me and envelopes me in his strong, affectionate arms. "how much is it?" i tell him all i want is one. and i will work overtime. and i will use it and care for it like it were my first born. "we'll make it work". and i know he means it. because he loves me, supports me, and understands the importance of a dream.

on another note, speaking of dreams...i stumbled across this photo today (which is EPIC!) while i was cleaning old files off my computer... it reminded me of my dreams that have come true...marrying my husband, having a loving family, a wonderful home, and the cutest pup ever. this photo is EPIC for several reasons, and i just had to share. 1. it was literally taken during the last vacation we took together alone (as mentioned above), our honeymoon!  2. yes, we are in vegas. yes, we are at hooters. and YES it was at my request because i-love-their-wings. classy? no. delicious? yes. 3. massive inspiration for both of us to get back into shape. lens or no lens, i love my husband and my life. thank God for both :)

lessons learned

it started off with just a few scattered stepping stones. each day more fall into place in the form of inspiration, words of wisdom, innovators, and learning opportunities. now, i'm starting to see a small path develop in front of me paved with support, knowledge, experience, and encouragement. and each lesson along the path is like a crash course in learning how to fall the right way...here are a few i learned this week.

LESSON 1 | practice makes perfect ::: my recent shoot has given me much to study, dissect, and critique. there are of course composition, lighting, focusing, and many other issues that have room for improvement. for all the wonderful feedback i have received, i've learned so much that has given me a basis to grow from. i like portrait photography. it's my "thing" and it's where i want my focus to remain. that being said, while my photos from this past weekend made me very pleased (and exceeded my expectations of my grossly amateur ability), the essence of what i really WANTED to capture is mostly missing. the eyes! the old corny "window to the soul" kind of thing--the feeling that the subject might actually reach beyond the corners of the image and touch you. that being said, my focus right now is all about "shiny eyes" as discussed here in the amazing and wonderful blog of Katelyn James. so it's back to practice, practice, practice. set a stone in place, mark it with a sign, and move on down the path...

...and a new lens or 2 wouldn't help (santa if you're listening, i've been a good girl this year, and i wouldn't mind an early present or five) :) 

LESSON 2 | slow and steady ::: this is going to be a LONG road. for those of you who stick around and watch, sometimes feeling like it may be a slow motion car crash, i appreciate it more than words can ever express. this isn't some huge revelation that i just had, but while i took 1 step forward i also feel like i took 10 back because the gravity of where i want to be is that much more apparent. it's like i'm standing at the end of a checkout line to just get a pack of gum with 20 people in front of me with 100 items. it feels like FOREVER. but i know, slowly and surely, i will get to a place where i will feel proud, and skilled, and GASP--accomplished.

maybe the most important lesson is knowing that there isn't really an end to the path. all that matters is that you stop along the way to take it all in...

well behaved women rarely make history

if the brownies on my counter weren't a sign of the times, then my inability to fit into my favorite jeans was. after a long day of finally spending some quality time with my canon, there was nothing more on my mind than continued frustration. welcome ladies and gentlemen to a pity party for one. no really, it was a little pathetic. i stomped, threw my lens cap on, and sat my camera in the corner today. it, and i, needed a time out.

i consider myself a very intelligent individual. however, the switch from a manual to a digital SLR is throwing me for a loop. the realization that i can sit here forever and be frustrated, or i can ask for help, became very apparent today. as i mentioned in a previous post, i have my favorite photographers that i follow, either because their style rocks my socks or they are a wealth of information--or both. i'm not trying to sound cliche here, but the Lord really does work in mysterious ways, so it's no small coincidence that i happened to stumble upon an amazing photographer who also lives within a 2 hour drive. i've been totally engulfed by her site (the "her" I will share at a later date with "her" permission!). i don't know her from adam, except through her blog, but i felt compelled that i could learn something from her. enter stage left--my nerves of steel.

my fingers were literally shaking when i was typing. hi, my name is...here is my story...can i borrow your time? that was the gist. i was rambling--if you couldn't tell, it's a bad habit. i like to think i am concise, but i have too much to say. and then i did it. I HIT SEND. i had reached out to a total stranger and asked, maybe even begged, for help. maybe it was too forward, maybe unorthodox, but i had done it. i was honestly expecting a polite, but delicately formed "No", yet as my eyes danced across the screen hours later, her email was filled with a pleasantness that was comforting and welcoming. so, one foot in front of the other, here we go--meeting date in progress and the anticipation is already killing me. but, it gives me something to work toward and a reason to keep going.

i could have sat around and ate brownies all day. instead i realized the bigger picture and took control of my future. after all, what good is chasing a dream if you are too busy sitting on your hands.

Skinny Jeans: 1 | Brownies: 0

 

behind the lens

my mind has been keeping me awake at night. i've been salivating for weeks (hence my lack of posting) over photography...blogs, websites, galleries, forums. soaking in every ounce of wisdom, each flicker of the shutter, and every image behind the lens. um, maybe better to say stalking. i have my favorites, let's be honest, k? boarder line obsession, and i think if i wasn't able to get all my excitement and fascination out, my supportive yet annoyed husband might ban me to the basement permanently. it's been what feels like forever and a day since i first set my hands on a hand-me-down, circa 1970's Nikkormat FT2 Nikon SLR. ancient, and it weighs a ton--but it feels good, like the perfect pair of skinny jeans that hug every curve of your hips, if only mine didn't have what i perceive to be a muffin top trying to sneak out over the edge. my drooling over photographs led me to dig the old thing out. buried amongst memories of what is truly a lifetime ago, by the look on my face you would have thought i was just given a million dollars. honestly, i was just amazed that i found it as quickly as i did--packed safely away where i had left it 5 years ago. more importantly, i could remember how to actually use it. old faithful.

i forgot how much i liked to live behind the lens. i love how the world looks through a peephole. the moment before a moment. it's raw and pure. the ability to focus in on something, and block out the rest. i had the blessing of a beautiful day to reconnect with an old friend and rediscover myself. leaving the house, that trusty SLR by my side, i was nervous and giddy and mostly uncertain that anything would turn out, and not happy at the idea of sweating. it was 90+ out today. if you know me, you know i don't like to sweat--my hair frizzes, what little makeup i wear runs, it's not pretty. sitting in front of starbucks sipping a venti iced tea, i loaded a roll of film, scoped out my next stop, and the rest is history captured in a click.  

i'm not sure yet where i want this journey to take me. what i envision in my head is limited by my belief in myself. the direction my life is taking me right now isn't quite where i believe i can end up. all the worries and speculation in the world won't be solved by dissecting my short comings, hopes, or desires. i want to scream from pure joy and excitement, and crawl up in a ball and cry all at the same time, mainly because my impatience and insecurity gets the best of me. all i do know is i have the most amazing, supportive, and loving man by my side. he completely understands my compulsiveness and requires no explanation. for now, i'll shoot for me, for what i like--hone my skill, and then share it. my random favs from the day...enjoy :)