a diamond in the rough

years before a diamond is shiny, sparkling, and brilliant, it starts off rough and ugly. it's nothing more than a piece of rock that wouldn't be given a second look. {i guarantee, no desperate housewife would ever beg her husband for a 10 carat ugly rock.} but in it's own time, in the right circumstances, it's true beauty is exposed and desired.

there are moments in time when we feel on top of our game, like we're sparkling and shiny. today was not one of those days. today i felt covered in mud, up to my eyeballs. today i felt like i was the new kid on the first day of school with the coke bottle glasses and mary janes. today was one of those stark realizations of knowing i was not where i wanted to be, and i didn't know how to get there. today, i was a rock. an ugly, throw me to the curb, rock. 

one of a photographers worst characteristics is self doubt and criticism. it's like a death sentence. once you get that first little twinge of uncertainty, it's all down hill from there. if you know me, you know i'm a perfectionist. i hold myself to ridiculously high, unrealistic standards. i never do anything small. it's all or nothing, otherwise it's not worth doing. and heaven forbid i start to second guess--i walk away, i give up, and sit myself on the bench until i can regroup or decide to pack up my things and go home. right now, i'm calling a time out. before i sink--like a rock.

years before a diamond is shiny, sparkling, and brilliant, it starts off rough and ugly. today, i was a rock. today, i was rough and ugly. time and patience, and maybe i'll find a diamond one day.