a good hurt | personal

i'm sitting on my couch writing. because mike and axle are both cuddled up there, not in the loft. because there is a fire going. because we made a whole foods run, threw in some movies, opened a bottle of wine, and didn't move all day. because my office chair is hard and uncomfortable, and right now i hurt all over. and i'm thinking about this year, and these past few months, and last night.

i hurt all over. not that oh i slept in the wrong position hurt. in fact, last night i slept like a baby because i was so exhausted and i knew i could wake up the next morning with absolutely nothing to do. nothing. the hurt is more the i crawled on the floor, bent and squatted and twisted my body for 8 hours kind of hurt. i have my wonderful friend and mentor John Yao (who i mentioned briefly in this post) to thank for that--for the wonderful and amazing opportunity of shooting my first wedding. i have no doubt that my own talent and desire to succeed as a photographer will get me farther than i could have ever hoped. but it's friends like John, who have been willing to take a risk and stick out their neck (and dedicate their time), who have given me opportunities to be better than i could ever have imagined, who (gently) point out my failures and still remind me not to be so hard on myself.

my settings were off--a lot. my pictures? not exactly my best work. but i learned. ohgoodness did i ever learn. i learned what my camera CAN and CANNOT do. i cemented what i already knew--practice makes perfect and i want and need to do it more.

words can't begin to describe the roller coaster of emotions i have endured over the past 48 hours. if i didn't drive poor mike crazy with my pre wedding checklist, i certainly hit it out of the park by begging him to relive every detail of the wedding (including stumbling to my bag to grab my camera) while we lay in bed this morning, halfway between sleep and pretending to be awake. needless to say, i am mentally and physically exhausted. i feel like the last four months have been a marathon, and last night was the final mile. at least for this year. that being said, i feel like it was also a turning point. my love for what i do just grew--10 fold. i left smiling last night, knowing i took some god-aweful-shots and that i nailed a few that stopped me in my tracks and made me say yougogirl. and it kept me wanting more. and it makes all the stress, sleepless nights, mental burnout, and physical pain i feel today, a good hurt.

while the quality of this picture makes me literally cringe, there is nothing sweeter than mom and son dancing. i have a thing with shots of feet, and these were so perfectly mismatched, i loved it.